Computers, IM, and the Cullens
by gypsyrin
Summary: What happens when the Cullens get IM accounts? To many disturbing conversations to count. *rated t for some sexual hinting and language*
1. Poor Edward

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. I do own the IM names though. Sort of. ANYWAY!**

**This is my own personal take on if the Cullens and co. decided to get IM accounts. Blame an XL double double and boredom for this one folks! **

* * *

Cullen IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen**

**Bella - eternalflame**

**Edward - soul-less**

**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**

**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**

**Jasper - hailthehale**

**Esme - butterflykisses**

**Carlisle - drdogood**

futureshoppingqueen has entered the chat-room

hailthehale has entered the chat-room

soul-less has entered the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen - Edward that is THE most depressing screen name I have ever seen

hailthehale - agreed. are you depressed? cause you know I can cheer you up

futureshoppingqueen - awe poor Eddy! hes sad... lets cheer him up.. Wheres Bella?! oh wait...

soul-less - no I am not depressed you two. Thanks for your concern.

hailthehale - are you sure? wait... where'd Alice go?

soul-less - Yes im 100 percent sure. Although about Alice I'm not to sure, I can't read her mind

hailthehale - what? why? Is she to far? did something happen?! OH GOD ALICE!

soul-less - ... Jasper calm down...I can't read her mind because she's singing...

futureshoppingqueen - DAY OH! ME SAY DAAAAY OH! daylight come and me wan go hoooome!

hailthehale - ...Edward...

soul-less - ...Jasper...

hailthehale - wtf?

soul-less - Erm... Excuse me?

hailthehale - wtf.. you don't know what wtf means?

soul-less - No I can't say that I do.

eternalflame has entered the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen - BELLA! YEEEESSSSS thats gonna be great!

eternalflame - SHUSH! Alice quiet! they don't know yet!...

soul-less - know what Bella love?

eternalflame - erm.. uhhhhhh

futureshoppingqueen - EDWARD DOSNT KNOW WHAT WTF MEANS!!

hailthehale - Alice... stop shouting. your going to blow my ear drums.

soul-less - okay 1. your a vampire she cant do that

eternalflame - and 2. its virtual soooooo...

hailthehale - ... I know that. I was being metaphorical.. she is going to blow my VIRTUAL ear drums.. get it?

eternalflame - ...

soul-less - ...

futureshoppingqueen - uhm guys?

soul-less - yes Alice?

myfutureizshopping - **BAM!**

eternalflame - what??

soul-less - OW DAMN IT ALICE!

eternalflame - what!? what just happened?!

futureshoppingqueen - AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

soul-less - thats SO not funny.

eternalflame - WHATS NOT FUNNY?! stop ignoring me... I don't like being left out.

soul-less - like you didn't know love. Alice's mind tells all.

futureshoppingqueen - Bellaaa I did it! GREAT PLAN BUDDY!

eternalflame - oh... LMAO thats great.

soul-less - oh yeah great plan? what exactly was your plan? to get me what shirtless?

futureshoppingqueen - yes.. o.O our plan was to get you... shirtless

eternalflame - lets just go with that

soul-less - what then?

eternalflame - oh Edward hunny bunch! don't worry about it, I'm sure you'll get it soon enough LMAO

soul-less - lmao? what?

futureshoppingqueen - O.O OMG! WTF!

eternalflame - ROFLMFAO

soul-less - Jasper?

hailthehale - Yes Edward?

soul-less - Im frightened.

hailthehale - Why?

soul-less - their speaking in tongues.

eternalflame - Edward dear, you know how much I love you right?

soul-less - yes.

eternalflame - but even though you are the father of our daughter...

soul-less - what does that have to do with anything?

eternalflame - let me finish.

soul-less - okay.

eternalflame - You are the most incompetent computer illiterate person. erm. vampire I know.

futureshoppingqueen - O.O OH NO YOU DIDNT! LMFAO

soul-less - ... ouch.

hailthehale - that was...

soul-less - low?

hailthehale - actually I was going to go with.. pretty damn funny. but low works.

eternalflame has left the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen - awwwwwe, where did she go?

hailthehale - not sure. she just passed my room and... oh god.

futureshoppingqueen - THAT IS NOT WHAT I NEEDED TO SEE!

soul-less - what wasn't?...OH... erm, sorry you two but...uh. I have to go!

soul-less has left the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen - Jasper?

hailthehale - Yes Alice?

futureshoppingqueen - Iv been scarred for life.. please hold me.

hailthehale has left the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen - aw yay. dances around the chat-room all alone

futureshoppingqueen has left the chat-room

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**A/N - Let me know what you think! I thought I would give the whole IM thing a shot. trust me I already have other more interesting topics of Cullen conversation in my head... mwahahaha RnR please!**


	2. MrPansy Pants

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. I do call claim to the IM names though.. so yeah. **

* * *

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - eternalflame**  
**Edward - soul-less**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - darlinghalfling  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown  
**

SnarlsBARKley has entered the chat-room

soul-less has entered the chat-room

SnarlsBARKley - Edward man! whats up?

soul-less - Hello Seth, oh not alot. You?

SnarlsBARKley - same. DUDE! so like Bella told Nessie who told Jake who told me that you dont know comp. slang!

soul-less - what slang?

SnarlsBARKley - ... computer.

soul-less - oh. no I do not know "comp" slang.

SnarlsBARKley - well man your in luck! welcome to.. dun du nu nuuuuuuuuu!

soul-less - ...

SnarlsBARKley - COMP SLANG 101! its where Im gonna teach you to be as hip and cool as we all are!

soul-less - I'm jumping for joy.

SnarlsBARKley - really?

soul-less - no.

SnarlsBARKley - oh... ANYWAYS! our first lesson will be the basics like.. lol, wtf and brb

soul-less - lol, wtf, and brb? its all gibberish to me.

SnarlsBARKley - thats why I'm here dude! okay, we shall start with lol, or as some ppl like to call it, lawlz.

soul-less - lawlz?

SnarlsBARKley - yes lawlz. lol means literally to laugh out loud. get it?

soul-less - so you take the first letter of all three words and only use them?

SnarlsBARKley - you got it man!

leaderofthepack has entered the chat-room

SnarlsBARKley - Yo Jake! I told you that he wasnt stupid!

soul-less - excuse me?

leaderofthepack - Sup guys. and Seth shut yer trap.

SnarlsBARKley - .. sorry boss man.

leaderofthepack - Edward? Nessie just wanted me to inform you that she's running away with me and were getting eloped. like right now.

soul-less - I'll rip your throat out mutt.

leaderofthepack - I'd like to see you try bloodsucker

soul-less - pup

leaderofthepack - leech

soul-less - mongrel

leaderofthepack - mosquito

soul-less - ... well thats a new one.

SnarlsBARKley - awww come on guys! lets just be friends. I mean technically were... well

futureshoppingqueen has entered the chat-room

darlinghalfling has entered the chat-room

darlinghalfling - Hi daddy! Hey Jakey and Seth!!

futureshoppingqueen - Seth don't you dare type those words out. Edward will hunt you down.. trust me I can see the future!

SnarlsBARKley - WE ARE FAMILY! BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE WE!...

SnarlsBARKley - oh no he wont! me and Edward are buddies right Edward?

darlinghalfling - erm... daddy?

leaderofthepack - Seth... Listen to the clairvoyant next time kay?

soul-less - ...

SnarlsBARKley - uuuuh. Eddy?

soul-less has left the chat-room

leaderofthepack - Seth? Id start huffin it if I were you.

SnarlsBARKley - right. okay.. uhm. I'll be in... Tokyo if anyone needs me!!

SnarlsBARKley has left the chat-room

blondsarebetter has entered the chat-room

blondsarebetter - have any of you seen Emmett? he took my camcorder.

leaderofthepack - sigh I better go make sure Edward doesn't kill him. see you guys around.

darlinghalfling - Bye Jakey! 3 smooch smooch!

leaderofthepack - aw smooch smooch and a big wolfy hug to you Nessie 3

blondsarebetter - ... ew.

leaderofthepack has left the chat-room

darlinghalfling - oh auntie Rose cant you be nice for like... five minutes?

futureshoppingqueen - look who your talking to Nessie. Rosalie can't even be nice to.. well a flower, and flowers are pretty and harmless and theyve never done anything to her!!

blondsarebetter - Alice give it a rest! I said I was sorry and I even BOUGHT you another bouquet!

futureshoppingqueen - ... You still hurt -pants.

darlinghalfling - mr...pansy-pants?

blondsarebetter - ... you named your flowers... and you put a mr in front of pansy-pants?

darlinghalfling - but... pansy-pants? oO

futureshoppingqueen - YES! do you all have a problem with this?

darlinghalfling - ... erm.. no. only because I value my life.

blondsarebetter - smart girl Nessie... OH I have to go.. I just found Emmett!

darlinghalfling - AUNTIE ROSE DON'T LEAVE ME!

blondsarebetter has left the chat-room

darlinghalfling - ... uh oh...erm. uhm. Auntie Alice?

futureshoppingqueen - Yes dear and precious Renneseme Carlie Cullen?

darlinghalfling - I have a very un-decided future right now don't I.

futureshoppingqueen - evil grin perhaps. But dear lovely child, why do you ask?

darlinghalfling - because I know your standing behind me.

darlinghalfling has left the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen - mwahahahaha.

futureshoppingqueen - ...

futureshoppingqueen - MWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

futureshoppingqueen - ...

futureshoppingqueen - I win! EXCELLENT!

futureshoppingqueen has left the chat-room

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**A/N - how many chapters can she do in one night you ask? well.. so far 2.. but the night is still young dear reader. hope you enjoyed Alice and her -pants! RnR XD **


	3. Love Monkey

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or the characters. Also I do not own Stop. The Spice Girls do. or wikipedia... I'm not sure who does, but it surely is not me.**

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Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - eternalflame**  
**Edward - soul-less**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - darlinghalfling  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown**

grizzlyvamp has entered the chat-room

grizzlyvamp - why am I alone?

grizzlyvamp - I don't like to be alone... hmmmmmm

grizzlyvamp - sob

eternalflame has entered the chat-room

beatyoudown has entered the chat-room

eternalflame - Emmett? why are you crying?

beatyoudown - he's not actually crying Isabella.

eternalflame - Uh I know that Leah.

beatyoudown - than why did you ask him if he was crying Isabella?

eternalflame - cause he said sob Leah.

grizzlyvamp - Emmett.

eternalflame - Isabella.

beatyoudown - ugh, you bloodsuckers are so weird

beatyoudown has left the chat-room

grizzlyvamp - well that was rude

eternalflame - sigh oh dear.

grizzlyvamp - hey Bella bell bell, guess what?

eternalflame - what Emmett?

grizzlyvamp - I caught Rose dancing around to Stop and I video taped it.

soul-less has entered the chat-room

soul-less - ouch.

eternalflame - whats wrong?

soul-less - I actually fell out of my chair.

grizzlyvamp - ... your a vampire dude. how the hell did you manage that?

soul-less - I read your mind. and got a little side tracked because well.. I was laughing so hard.

eternalflame - was it Rose dancing to Stop?

soul-less - ... hahahahaha, yes yes it was.

soul-less - owch. stop that Emmett

eternalflame - well I heard that one. Edward you shook the house

grizzlyvamp - LOL she just called you fat.

eternalflame - DID NOT! he does not know the meaning of the word fat.

soul-less - Fat consist of a wide group of compounds that are generally soluble in organic solvents and largely insoluble in water. chemically, fats are generally triesters of glycerol and fatty acid. Fats may be either solid or liquid at normal room temperature, depending on their structure and composition. Although the words "oils", "fats", and "lipids" are all used to refer to fats, "oils" is usually used to refer to fats that are liquids at normal room temperature, while "fats" is usually used to refer to fats that are solids at normal room temperature. "Lipids" is used to refer to both liquid and solid fats, along with other related substances. The word "oil" is used for any substance that does not mix with water and has a greasy feel, such as petroleum (or crude oil) and heating oil, regardless of its chemical structure.

soul-less - see I know the meaning of fat.

eternalflame - ... oh that's so not even what I meant. and that is SO from wikipedia.

grizzlyvamp - ... haha... aha... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

soul-less - Emmett your shaking my walls.. and so what? i still know the meaning.

eternalflame - aw hunny bunch I love you.

soul-less - I love you to.

eternalflame - but I meant that your not fat, so therefore you don't know the meaning of BEING fat.

soul-less - Oh. I get it now.

grizzlyvamp - oh my, I think I just peed my pants a little bit.

eternalflame - Emmett.

grizzlyvamp - Yes?

eternalflame - I love how when I look in one of your ears I can see straaaight out the other side.

soul-less - LOL and that is why I love you darling Bella.

grizzlyvamp - ... i don't get it.

soul-less - she called you stupid Emmett.

eternalflame - and you juust proved my point. EMMETT I LOVE YOU!

grizzlyvamp - jeez Bella bell bell, not in front of your husband!

eternalflame - what?... OH haha but darling I just have to have you right now!

soul-less - you guys are not funny... at all.

grizzlyvamp - I shall be right there my love monkey!!

grizzlyvamp has left the chat-room

soul-less - like i said... you guys are so not funny.

soul-less - wait.. how does he know my pet name for you?

eternalflame - who says were trying to BE funny Edward... and erm. idk.

soul-less - ... I'll be right back.

soul-less has left the chat-room  
butterflykisses has entered the chat-room

butterflykisses - what is with all the racket?

eternalflame - hi Esme! Well see, Emmett caught Rose dancing to Stop and he video taped it, so Edward kept reading his mind and then falling out of his chair

because he was laughing so hard, and now well... I'm not to sure what is going on

butterflykisses - oh dear. well alright. I will be outside if anyone needs me, my poor garden needs some love.

eternalflame - okay! and don't mind the noises that will most likely be going on, because I think Edward just caught Emmett.

butterflykisses - will do sweetie. I shall ttyl.

butterflykisses has left the chat-room  
grizzlyvamp has entered the chat-room  
soul-less has entered the chat-room

eternalflame - that was fast

soul-less - yes well, its just because I'm stronger than the "grizzly bear"

grizzlyvamp - jeez Bella bell bell, you never told me that Edward finishes so early.

eternalflame - aha.. oh Emmett

soul-less - Emmett.. Do you not value your life?

grizzlyvamp - oh I value my non-life seeing as I am dead so therefore am not living and cannot have a life.

eternalflame - he's gotcha there hunny bunch

soul-less has left the chat-room  
futureshoppingqueen has entered the chat room

futureshoppingqueen - Emmett, if I were you I would run... and fast.

eternalflame - what is he about to do Alice?

futureshoppingqueen - Oh its not what Edwards going to do TO him, its what he's going to tell Rose. The out come is not pretty.

grizzlyvamp - he wouldnt!

futureshoppingqueen - oh he just did. and oooh Emmett you make such an ugly woman!

grizzlyvamp - OH GOD NO!

grizzlyvamp has left the chat-room

eternalflame - oOoOoOoOoOo do I get to help?

futureshoppingqueen - oh yes, yes you do. You get to hold him down while we apply the lovely make-up, my favorite yearling.

eternalflame - ... so we win...

futureshoppingqueen - ... yes...

futureshoppingqueen - excellent

eternalflame - excellent.

eternalflame has left the chat-room  
futureshoppingqueen has left the chat-room

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**A/N - I hope this chapter sits well with all of you! It feels slightly long, but that is okay, because in the end... Emmett gets a make-over.  
trust me chapter 4 will be up before the night is up. YAY COFFEE!**


	4. Incest? WTF

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (as much as i would love to own Emmett and Edward). Also I do not own The Adams Family... **

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - eternalflame**  
**Edward - soul-less**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - darlinghalfling  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown**

* * *

grizzlyvamp has entered the chat-room

eternalflame has entered the chat-room

grizzlyvamp - I knew you loved me. my kinky little love monkey

eternalflame - that's sick. Emmett your like a brother to me and if we ever did anything it would be like a form of... incest.

grizzlyvamp - and what is wrong with that?

eternalflame - ... you did NOT just say that.

leaderofthepack has entered the chat-room

leaderofthepack - man the one time i decide to read the conversation before I type I get incest..

eternalflame - hey Jake!

leaderofthepack - hey Bella.

grizzlyvamp - well who asked you to come on-line and read the conversation?

leaderofthepack - actually Bella did, because she had to make sure she wasnt seeing things.. and dear Bella I can safely say you are not seeing things, he actually did ask what was wrong with incest.

darlinghalfling has entered the chat-room

eternalflame - Nessie my lovely glorious daughter! how are you hunny? did you have a good sleep? have you eaten yet? did you want to go hunting?

darlinghalfling - uhm. Mom. calm down. You don't have to explain what incest is I already know, and Uncle Emmett... That's just... oh I have no words.

grizzlyvamp - hey so change of subject, hunting! YUM grizzly bears that sounds good to me. whos up for it?!

eternalflame - I went last night with Edward so I'm still good for a little while. Sorry Emmett

darlinghalfling - I'll go with you Uncle Em! or i guess Auntie Em. ehehe

grizzlyvamp - I knew SOMEONE would bring that up. ahh that day will be forever known as... hmmm

eternalflame - the Day-Emmett-ran-around-witha-flower-print-dress-and-make-up-smears day?

darlinghalfling - OH and the-day-Emmett-flashed-SethandLeah-day!

grizzlyvamp - oh yeah! I forgot about that.. Hahahahaha. That was priceless.

leaderofthepack - dont forget disgusting, absolutely revolting, would gouge my own eyes out if i didnt need them so damn much.

eternalflame - Emmett did you just.. jump or something?

grizzlyvamp - well hell, I just fell out of my chair from laughing to hard... guess Edward wasnt crazy.

darlinghalfling - ... oh my. what oh what am I related to?

leaderofthepack - you guys are like.. The Adams Family of the supernatural world!

eternalflame - and damn proud of it skippy!

grizzlyvamp - ALRIGHT! little Nessie Ness Ness, lets go get us some grub.

darlinghalfling - Nessie Ness Ness? erm. okay Emmi Em Em.

grizzlyvamp has left the chat-room

darlinghalfling has left the chat-room

leaderofthepack - ouch. she didnt even say good-bye.

eternalflame - if anyone should be hurt it should be me!

leaderofthepack - and why is that?

eternalflame - i DIED giving birth to her!

leaderofthepack - ... right. true. but I imprinted on her.

eternalflame - I'll sick Rose on you.

leaderofthepack - you wouldnt dare!

eternalflame - oh but I would. do not test me scruffy.

leaderofthepack - ... did you just call me scruffy?

eternalflame - yes yes I did.

leaderofthepack - if it was anyone else I would have a come back.

eternalflame - if I want my cum back Id scrape it off your mothers mouth.

leaderofthepack - SAY WHAT?!

soul-less has entered the chat-room

leaderofthepack - Edward control your woman.

soul-less - LOVE! I can't believe you wrote that!

eternalflame - ha well... uhm... er

soul-less - filthy dirty girl.

eternalflame - you know it kinky bear

soul-less - love monkey

leaderofthepack - SICK! CONTROL YOURSELVES YOU FRIGGEN ANIMALS!

soul-less - were animals?

eternalflame - and we don't want to.

leaderofthepack - GAG!

leaderofthepack has left the chat-room

soul-less has left the chat-room

eternalflame - awe. what the hell?!

eternalflame - type good-bye Bella.

eternalflame - Good-bye!

eternalflame - ) love monkey.

eternalflame has left the chat-room

* * *

**A/N - So I have decided to change some of their IM names, due to recent developments in my story. hehe. hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it! RnR lemme know what you think! **


	5. Play Doctor?

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (as much as i would love to own Emmett and Edward).**

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - lovemonkey**  
**Edward - soul-lessKB**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - nessinessness  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown**

* * *

lovemonkey has entered the chat-room

nessinessness has entered the chat-room

lovemonkey - nessienessness?

nessienessness - lovemonkey?

lovemonkey - err... nvm don't ask.

nessienessness - oookai. mother you are just...

lovemonkey - NMBC!

nessienessness - isnt that a channel? or like a tv station?

lovemonkey - what? NO! oh my dear deprived child

nessienessness - hey your the one that deprives me.

lovemonkey - do not.

nessienessness - do to

lovemonkey - do not

nessienessness - do to.

soul-lessKB has entered the chat-room

drdogood has entered the chat-room

drdogood - oh Nessie darling, its Edward that deprives you, not Bella.

lovemonkey - SEE! so :P

nessienessness - oh phooie Carlisle!... oh wait.

soul-lessKB - I do not deprive my poor daughter!

nessienessness - actually...

soul-lessKB - Renneseme Carlie Cullen go to your room.

nessienessness - for what?!

soul-lessKB - for saying that I deprive you.

nessienessness - I never said that.. Carlisle did.

drdogood - Nessie! Why would you tattle on me? Your poor defensless Grandfather

nessienessness - oh yes because your soooo poor and defensless.

lovemonkey - yeah Carlisle, I've seen you lift a grizzly bear and throw it across the river like it was a rock.

nessienessness - aaawww poor DEFENSLESS grizzly! what did it ever do to you?

drdogood - it attacked me!

soul-lessKB - and I'm so sure it left such a mark on you.

drdogood - HEY! he tore my favorite sweater! BESIDES we eat these things, what does it matter?

soul-lessKB - ANIMAL RIGHTS!

lovemonkey - erm.. hunny bunny... no.

soul-lessKB - ...well they have rights until we want to eat them.

lovemonkey - sure they do Edward. sure they do.

drdogood- oh duty calls! I'm off to play doctor!

nessienessness - wait.. play?

drdogood has left the chat-room

lovemonkey - why is it that they say a doctor is practicing?

soul-lessKB - hmm you know I'm not to sure

lovemonkey - cause I know that when I was human and I needed a doctor, I, quite in fact, loved to have one who knew what he was doing.

nessienessness - why did he say play? dosnt he have like.. a license?

lovemonkey - yes he does.

soul-lessKB - well I know someone else who would like to "play doctor"

nessienessness - ...im out of here.

nessienessness has left the chat-room

lovemonkey - MY GOD EDWARD!

soul-lessKB - what?

lovemonkey - your such a pig. and in front of Renneseme to!

soul-lessKB - what?..

soul-lessKB - wait

lovemonkey - thats not what you meant was it.

soul-lessKB - NO. uh oh.

lovemonkey - I'll go talk to her.

soul-lessKB - no no.. let me.

lovemonkey - you just said you wanted to quote play doctor un-quote. we dont need another Emmett.

soul-lessKB - your right. you should go.

lovemonkey - shakes head

lovemonkey has left the chat-room

soul-lessKB has left the chat-room

* * *

**A/N - ahh that one wasnt as... good as I would have liked. hope you all like it though! PLUS I do believe in animal rights. juuust to clear up anything that was said in here.**


	6. BOO! OMG

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (as much as i would love to own Emmett and Edward).**

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - lovemonkey**  
**Edward - soul-lessKB**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - dr.vampman  
Renneseme - nessinessness  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown  
****BOO - ??**

* * *

grizzlyvamp has entered the chat-room

grizzlyvamp - I'm alooooone, wait.

grizzlyvamp - lonelyyy I am... so lonely I have no booooddy to caaall my own!

BOO - your not alone.

grizzlyvamp - uhhm...

BOO - I'm right behind you Emmett...

BOO - don't turn around.

grizzlyvamp - ...you've frightened me my friend.. and that is hard to do.

BOO - I told you not to turn around.

BOO - RAAAARGH BOOOOO!!

grizzlyvamp - ... your so dead.

grizzlyvamp has left the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen has entered the chat-room

hailthehale has entered the chat-room

hailthehale - Alice? did you and Bella re-arrange my room?

futureshoppingqueen - LOL someone re-arranged your room? THATS GREAT!

hailthehale- no, no its not. and some of.. well uhm.. our "toys" are missing... Alice what did you two do?

futureshoppingqueen - wait what? I did nothing! what did Bella do?! ... I would have seen that coming though if it was her... THE DOGS!

hailthehale - Alice... I'm sure we would have smelt them... so that just leaves...

futureshoppingqueen - Renneseme!!

hailthehale - Nessie.

futureshoppingqueen - we must enact revenge Jasper!

hailthehale - now Alice don't go fighting fire with fire.

futureshoppingqueen - maybe we can... no that wont work...

hailthehale - Alice!

futureshoppingqueen - what about... ERGH no that wont work either. i HATE not being able to see nessie in the future. grrrrr

grizzlyvamp has entered the chat-room

soul-lessKB has entered the chat-room

hailthehale - ALICE!

futureshoppingqueen - WHAT?!

hailthehale - no.

grizzlyvamp - dudes... wtf was that?

soul-lessKB - Emmett... why were you running around the house yelling?

grizzlyvamp - CAUSE THERES A GHOST!

hailthehale - thats impossible.. ghosts don't exist Emmett.

futureshoppingqueen - how do you know? did you believe in vampires before you were changed?

grizzlyvamp - hmmm well did ya?!

hailthehale - well... no but still, that dosnt have anything to do with ghosts.

soul-lessKB - althought, it would explain all the weird occurances going on.

futureshoppingqueen - well so would Nessie!

grizzlyvamp - what i saw was NOT Renneseme.

soul-lessKB - Emmett.. that was your reflection.

grizzlyvamp - NOT THAT! check this one out.

soul-lessKB - oh. well... an optical illusion?

grizzlyvamp - in a room with no windows or mirrors? I THINK NOT!

futureshoppingqueen - HELLOOOOO! how about you explain for the vampires who can't read minds

hailthehale - I second that.

BOO - I third that.

grizzlyvamp - AHHHH! ITS BACK!

BOO - hey Alice..

futureshoppingqueen - say what?

BOO - I never knew you were into whips.

hailthehale - who are you?

grizzlyvamp - whips?

soul-lessKB - to much information.

BOO - hey... Jasper

hailthehale - yes?

BOO - turn around

grizzlyvamp - DON'T DO IT JAZZ!

hailthehale - brb

hailethehale has left the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen - THAT GHOST HAS MY TOYS!

grizzlyvamp - THAT GHOST STOLE JAZZ!

soul-lessKB - you guys have all.. lost your minds.

futureshoppingqueen - HOLD ON MY DARLING WHIPS! IM ON MY WAY!

grizzlyvamp - your choosing your whips over Jazz?

futureshoppingqueen - oh I'll find him on my way.. where there are my whips there is a Ghost and then there is Jasper !

soul-lessKB - TO MUCH INFORMATION!

grizzlyvamp - what is? whips?

futureshoppingqueen - or the fact that I have a spanking paddle?

soul-lessKB - well now both.. thank you for the REVOLTING mental image.

futureshoppingqueen - XD your welcome brother!!

futureshoppingqueen - Emmett? lets go save my kinky toys

grizzlyvamp - and Jasper?

futureshoppingqueen - like I said.. lets go save my kinky toys.

soul-lessKB - ... if anyone needs me I'll be hunting... far far far from here.

soul-lessKB has left the chat-room

grizzlyvamp - LETS GO! meet me in the living room in t minus 5 seconds.

futureshoppingqueen - ALRIIIIIGHT! lets dooo this.

grizzlyvamp has left the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen has left the chat-room

BOO - well now.. I'm all alone. but not for long.. mwahahaha MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA.

* * *

**A/N - mwahaha now who is this BOO character you may ask? well be prepared to find out... in a later chapter..tis halloween week so each chapter is clearly going to have to do with halloween. well maybe not every chapter but the majority of them.. so hope you enjoyed this one! **


	7. Rap

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (as much as i would love to own Emmett and Edward). Nor do I own Afroman or T.I. and neither do I own their songs...**

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - lovemonkey**  
**Edward - soul-lessKB**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - nessinessness  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown  
****BOO - ??**

* * *

grizzlyvamp has entered the chat-room

lovemonkey has entered the chat-room

grizzlyvamp - hey Bella?

lovemonkey - yes Emmett?

grizzlyvamp - Hey Hey Hey Hey, Damn shawty, Look at you I'm just saying man, Is it just me or you got too much ass in them jeans, Come here

lovemonkey - Hey I been watchin' you a while now, And I just wanna find a way to make you smile now

grizzlyvamp - Why you blushing, forget about them other guys now, I know you ain't trying to tell me that you shy now, I realize that you're beauty could intimidate

futureshoppingqueen has entered the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen - Them suckers you ain't got no business for them anyway

lovemonkey - LOL

futureshoppingqueen - I didn't know you listened to hip-hop Bella?!

lovemonkey - some clairvoyant YOU are.

girzzlyvamp - With such a, pretty face big booty, little waistline... I wanna grab from behind to the bass line.

soul-lessKB has entered the chat-room

lovemonkey - I got a colt 45 and 2 zig-zags hey baby thats all we need

futureshoppingqueen - we can drive to the park after dark smoke that tumbleweed

grizzlyvamp - while the marijuana burnin we can take our turns

futureshoppingqueen - singin them dirty rap songs,

lovemonkey - Stop and hit the bong like cheech and chong

soul-lessKB - and sell tapes from here to hong kong

grizzlyvamp - so roll roll roll my joint

lovemonkey - woah woah WOAH!

futureshoppingqueen - cheyaaah!

soul-lessKB - ... what?

lovemonkey - Edward.. whose that song by?

futureshoppingqueen - and what is the song called?

soul-lessKB - Colt 45 - Afroman.

futureshoppingqueen - HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT!?

lovemonkey - yes yes. we really would like to know.

grizzlyvamp - I CAN ANSWER THAT!

soul-lessKB - quit with the caps lock! and actually Emmett can answer that

lovemonkey - okay... Emmett.. why does he know that?

grizzlyvamp - weeeell, I was looking through his CD collection a few years ago and noticed that dear Edward had no rap or hip-hop.. or really anything good for that matter

soul-lessKB - you just have no taste

grizzlyvamp - I do to, and it faaar suprasses your taste in music..

lovemonkey - ANYWAYS!

grizzlyvamp - right, well I went out and bought a few CD's and one of them was Afroman!

soul-lessKB - he played that CD over.. and over... and over... I can recite the entire song off the top of my head. its quite rediculous

futureshoppingqueen - oh right! I remember that! hey what ever happend to that CD anyways?

grizzlyvamp - you broke it in half and then jumped around on it

soul-lessKB - after that you proceeded to burn it and then when that didn't work you tied a rock to it and threw it in the lake, the entire time you were laughing hysterically.

futureshoppingqueen - oh yeaaaah! hey well i did warn you what would happen

grizzlyvamp - you still owe me a CD.

futureshoppingqueen - wait... let me check... NOPE no where in yours or my future do I see myself buying you another Afroman CD.

lovemonkey - .... its like living with a bunch of over aged children.

soul-lessKB - yet you continue to grace us with your presence

lovemonkey - you'd miss me if I left.

futureshoppingqueen - I WOULD! Bella I don't think I could go on without you! NOT AGAIN YOU CAN'T MAKE MEEEE!

soul-lessKB - what she said.

grizzlyvamp - AGREED!

lovemonkey - okay guys... calm down.

futureshoppingqueen - I WOULD BE A WRECK BELLA! PLEAAAAASE DONT GO!

lovemonkey - ALICE, I'm not going anywhere.. SHEESH! besides I don't think Edward could afford alamony.. mwahahahahhaha

soul-lessKB - .... I don't particularly care for this conversation.

grizzlyvamp - thats okay, I do! BELLA YOU COULD COME LIVE MEEEE!

lovemonkey - omg.. what have I started?

soul-lessKB - Emmett you live in the same house as me.. That wouldnt work.

grizzlyvamp - weeell technically you guys live in a hut in the woods so we DON'T live togehter dear Eddy.

lovemonkey - he's got you there

futureshoppingqueen - EDWARD! I have a plan....

soul-lessKB - ... that might just work.

lovemonkey - what?

soul-lessKB - oh its nothing you need to worry about love.

futureshoppingqueen - at least not yet...

grizzlyvamp - mwahahaha

lovemonkey - Emmett you don't even know what their talking about.

soul-lessKB - Alice meet me.....

futureshoppingqueen - I'll be there in.... 2 seconds!

soul-lessKB - I'll brb my love..

soul-lessKB has left the chat-room  
futureshoppingqueen has left the chat-room

grizzlyvamp - Im out! harrass ya lata Bella Bell Bell

grizzlyvamp has left the chat-room

lovemonkey - stupid vampires...

lovemonkey has left the chat-room

* * *

**A/N - Sorry it took so long to up date, but I ended up getting my wisdom teeth out this week so therefor I have been veeery loopy. Hope you guys enjoyed this one!! I fiiixed it! sorry about how it was before, not to sure what happend.. along with Carlisles missing IM name.. WTF?!**


	8. The point is?

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (as much as i would love to own Emmett and Edward). OH and I don't own honey bunches of oats either hehe.**

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - lovemonkey**  
**Edward - soul-lessKB**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - nessinessness  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown  
****BOO - ??**

* * *

hailthehale has entered the chat-room

blondsarebetter has entered the chat-room

SnarlsBARKley has entered the chat-room

SnarlsBARKley - wanna know what I've been thinkin bout?

blondsarebetter - no. not particularly, I don't care for the inner workings of a mutt.

hailthehale - Rosalie, you don't care for the inner workings of anyone but yourself

SnarlsBARKley - the whole biting of the neck thing that you vamps do... isnt that kinda sexual?

blondsarebetter - Is that the way you speak to a lady Jazz?

hailthehale - once I see a lady, I shall speak to her with the utmost respect but since there are no ladies around than....

blondsarebetter - ....

hailthehale - you would be grumpy to if you had to feel EVERYONES feelings all day, everyday.

SnarlsBARKley - whoa, Rosalie I heard that snarl all the way down here!

blondsarebetter - of course you did mutt, your in the main foyer of MY house.

grizzlyvamp has entered the chat-room

blondsarebetter - Emmett darling, could you please tell Jazz to be more nice.

grizzlyvamp - you messin with my woman dood?!

hailthehale - dood? and no I am not messing with your woman.

grizzlyvamp - yeah dood, I thought I'd be dif. OKAY?!

grizzlyvamp - and alright I believe you.

blondsarebetter - Emmett Mcarthy Cullen! I should smack you around for that.

grizzlyvamp - is that a promise?

blondsarebetter - if you want it to be

SnarlsBARKley - EWE where the hells Edward.. or Bella or someone NOT about to get it on

hailthehale - Edward and Bella are "getting it on" as you so graciously put it.

SnarlsBARKley - ....oh.....

blondsarebetter - theres no such thing as privacy here in this house mongrel.

grizzlyvamp - its true. When someones gettin it on, I tend to run through their room

hailthehale - and not only that... he screams as well... and laughs in Edwards case.

blondsarebetter - he does that when we get intimate as well. Though! that is none of your business

SnarlsBARKley - whoa you mean you do get laid? wow than why are you such a crank ass all the time?

grizzlyvamp - LOL...

hailthehale - .... sorry Rosalie but... LMFAO

blondsarebetter - OHHH! .. I'm going to... well its none of your business!

blondsarebetter has left the chat-room

drdogood has entered the chat-room

drdogood - EMMETT! knock that off would you?!

grizzlyvamp - .... knock what off?

drdogood - RUNNING THROUGH MINE AND ESMES ROOM!

grizzlyvamp - BUT I DON'T WANNA!

drdogood - I will ground you. no bears for a month!

grizzlyvamp - NOOOOOOOOOO!

hailthehale - can you please stop using caps?

grizzlyvamp - can you please stop being so grumpy?

drdogood - Jazz? are you upset? did you want to talk? you know I'm always here if you need to talk

hailthehale - GREAT! thanks Emmett.

grizzlyvamp - what?

drdogood - well I'm off to work. have fun and Emmett remember... I know where you hunt.

SnarlsBARKley - soooo.....

drdogood has left the chat-room

SnarlsBARKley - why is it that whenever the doc or his wifey come on, its for like.... a few minutes at a time?

grizzlyvamp - I unno. maybe cause whoever is out there feels they don't need to speak very often.

hailthehale - cause their.... parental figures?

grizzlyvamp - ...... or to nice.

SnarlsBARKley - lets go with to nice.

hailthehale - and what do you mean by "whoever is out there"?

grizzlyvamp - yoo know. like the man with the plan

futureshoppingqueen has entered the chat-room

futureshoppingqueen - OR WOMAN!

grizzlyvamp - okay.. like the man OR WOMAN up there, the one with the plan thinks that.

hailthehale - if this is going to get philosophical than I am out of here.

futureshoppingqueen - BYE JAZZ! I love you hunny bunches of oats.

SnarlsBARKley - me to. though Jazz, I don't love you. you smell funny and your a dude so I don't think it would work out.

hailthehale - please leave.

SnarlsBARKley - man! you guys are no fun.... peace!

SnarlsBARKley has left the chat-room

hailthehale has left the chat-room

grizzlyvamp - well JEEZE!

futureshoppingqueen - awwwe jazzy's so sweet. I just got a kiss! and a nibble on my neck and a....

grizzlyvamp - and a...???

futureshoppingqueen - BYE EMMETT!

futureshoppingqueen has left the chat-room

grizzlyvamp - awe.. -looks up- COME ON! always with the sex! when is it MY turn -pouts-

BOO - soon enough dear friend. soon enough....

grizzlyvamp - AHH!

grizzlyvamp has left the chat-room

BOO - awe.. am I that scary?..... O.o

BOO has left the chat-room

* * *

**A/N - Hey all! I'm sooo sorry it took so long to update but I havent been in a crazy enough mood. So I hope this one lives up to your expectations. IF NOT do not worry I shall have a wicked funny one up soon!**


	9. Switcheroo?

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (as much as i would love to own Emmett and Edward). **

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - lovemonkey**  
**Edward - soul-lessKB**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - nessinessness  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown  
****BOO - ??**

* * *

**soul-lessKB has entered the chatroom  
futureshoppingqueen has entered the chatroom  
**

**soul-lessKB** - Alice! How is my favorite sister this lovely evening?

**futureshoppingqueen** - Edward! Im simply amazing! and....No!

**soul-lessKB** - Why not?

**futureshoppingqueen** - Because thats ridiculous. Even for you!

**grizzlyvamp has entered the chatroom  
**

**soul-lessKB** - Emmett thats disgusting!

**futureshoppingqueen** - What is?!?!?!?!?!

**grizzlyvamp** - AwWwWwWwWeEeEeE!!!! no it's not.....

**futureshoppingqueen** - What's disgusting?!?!?!?!?!

**soul-lessKB** - Yes it is. Its revolting. I do not need to know these things.....

**grizzlyvamp** - THAN DON'T READ MY MIND!! there.. I said it.

**futureshoppingqueen** - STOP IGNORING MEEEEEEEEEEE! sad face

**soul-lessKB** - ......Alice?

**soul-lessKB** - please?

**futureshoppingqueen** - ....no....

**grizzlyvamp** - OOOOOooooOOOO what is it? A secret?! I LIKE SECRETS???

**soul-lessKB** - how do you not know if you like secrets.....

**futureshoppingqueen** - honestly Emmett!

**grizzlyvamp** - whaaa???

**futureshoppingqueen** - wait for it....

**soul-lessKB** - the wheels in his mind are turning......

**futureshoppingqueen** - thaaaaaa wheels on the bus go round and round!!!

**soul-lessKB** - better yet

**soul-lessKB** - the wheels in Emmetts braaain try to turn, try to turn, try to turn!!!

**futureshoppingqueen** - bahahahahahaha.... -gigglesnort-

**grizzlyvamp** - ..........O.O

**grizzlyvamp** - BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. oops. I MEAAAAAAANT!!!!!

**grizzlyvamp** - I LIKE SECRETS_**!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

**soul-lessKB** - THERE WE GO!!!

**futureshoppingqueen** - Please Edward.

**grizzlyvamp** - Don't yell. Its so impolite.

**futureshoppingqueen **- -giggles-

**soul-lessKB** - I hate you both

**futureshoppingqueen** - YOU LOVE UUUUUSS!!

**grizzlyvamp **- YES YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**futureshoppingqueen** - Edward loves us, yes he does tralalalala

**grizzlyvamp **- He loves us so much, his loves as bright as the suuuun!!!

**futureshoppingqueen **- ahahahahahahaha AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**grizzlyvamp** - hehehe

**soul-lessKB** - Alice. Emmett.

**futureshoppingqueen** - AHAHA--- ahh... uhm.... Emmett... I mean.. LOL g2g!!!

**futureshoppingqueen has left the chatroom**

**soul-lessKB** - Emmett...

**grizzlyvamp** - yeeeeeeaaaaaaaassss?

**soul-lessKB** - go jump in front of a bus please.

**grizzlyvamp** - EDWARD!!! how rude! --sticks out lower lip while simultaniously putting hands on hips--

**hailthehale has entered the chatroom**

**hailthehale** - honeslty Edward. If Emmett were to actually jump in front of a bus, the poor people would all die

**grizzlyvamp** - huh?

**soul-lessKB** - sigh... It's only a figure of speech Jazz.

**hailthehale** - remember who your speaking too dear brother, he may just attempt it

**grizzlyvamp** - uhhh heeeelllloooooooo!!! Im still here....

**soul-lessKB** - God Emmett.

**BOO** - Yes?

**grizzlyvamp** - AHHHH! ITS BACK!

**grizzlyvamp has left the chatroom**

**soul-lessKB** - why are you saying yes?

**hailthehale** - yeah

**BOO** - you said God, so I answered --Godly smirk--

**soul-lessKB** - are you truly God?!

**hailthehale **- hoo boy. here we go again.

**BOO** - uhh sure.. haha

**soul-lessKB** - do I have a soul?!

**hailthehale** - HE'S NOT ACTUALLY GOD!

**soul-lessKB** - he's not?

**hailthehale **- did you hit your head on anything Edward?

**soul-lessKB** - ....no.

**BOO** - NEVER TAKE THE LORDS NAME IN VAAAAAAIIIIN!

**soul-lessKB** - shut....

**hailthehale** - ....up.

**BOO** - aw.. ouch.

**BOO has left the chatroom**

**soul-lessKB** - though... my names not Edward.

**hailthehale** - ???

**soul-lessKB** - mwahahahahaha

**hailthehale** - Bella?

**soul-lessKB** - ..... damn.

**hailthehale** - -shakes head- I havent the slightest idea what to say at this moment.

**soul-lessKB** - ahahahhaa.. tooootally had you going there for a minute didn't I?!

**hailthehale** - .........

**hailthehale has left the chatroom**

**soul-lessKB** - SAD! now I'm all alone...

**soul-lessKB** - BYE SELF!!!!

**soul-lessKB has left the chatroom**

* * *

**A/N - Well hello dear reader!! I know it's been a loooooong while.. liike a couple of months and I am sorry I took forever. I really hope this chapter is at least slightly funny and I'll try super hard to write a bunch more! RnR!!! Your reviews are MY brand of heroine!!! (even I rolled my eyes at that!) **


	10. Collar Poppin

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (as much as i would love to own Emmett and Edward). **

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - lovemonkey/eternalamb**  
**Edward - soul-lessKB/soul-lesslion**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - nessinessness  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown  
****BOO - ??**

* * *

**lovemonkey has entered the chat-room  
****  
****hailthehale has entered the chat-room**

**lovemonkey** - -giggles-

**hailthehale** - ....? Bella what is with the sudden giddy mood?

**lovemonkey** - just wait....

**hailthehale** - huh??

**hailthehale** - quit feeling like that!! its getting me all excited.. I feel like a school girl...o.O

**lovemonkey** - JASPER! -le sigh- I said just wait!

**blondsarebetter has entered the chat-room  
****lovemonkey is now eternalamb**

**blondsarebetter** - you are... I have no words.

**eternalamb **- LOL did you see it? has he noticed?

**blondsarebetter** - yes I did see it, and no I do not think he's noticed

**hailthehale** - what ARE you two gibbering about?

**blondsarebetter** - I'm not allowed to think it let alone say it, and its becoming extremely hard -snickers-

**eternalamb **- hehehehehe, I wonder... hmmmm.....

**hailthehale** - .... wait..

**eternalamb **- yes Jasper, THAT is what were laughing about. DONT THINK ABOUT IT!

**hailthehale** - how has he not noticed???

**blondsarebetter** - who ever said Edward was smart?

**soul-lessKB has entered the chat-room  
****soul-lessKB is now soul-lesslion**

**soul-lesslion**- I do not appreciate you picturing me in a dunce hat Rose.

**eternalamb**- BAHAHAHAHAHA

**hailthehale** - sorry brother but... LMAO

**blondsarebetter** - -evil grin-

**soul-lesslion**- .....?

**soul-lesslion**- wait... what?

**hailthehale** - EDWARD! I thought we had Seth cover the whole lol, lmao thing?

**soul-lesslion**- yes you did, I know what lmao means.. laughing my ass off. which is kind of reduntant but thats not what I'm seeing in Emmetts head.

**eternalamb**- OMG EMMETT!

**hailthehale** - how did we forget about Emmett?

**blondsarebetter has left the chat-room**

**hailthehale** - ???

**eternalamb**- how RUDE! -makes Stephenie Tanner face-

**soul-lesslion**- OH GOD MY MINDS EYE!

**eternalamb**- huh?

**hailthehale** - what? what did she do?!

**blondsarebetter has entered the chat-room**

**soul-lesslion**- ROSALIE!

**blondsarebetter** - yes?

**eternalamb**- what did you do?

**blondsarebetter** - hehe why don't you just ask Eddie?

**soul-lesslion**- do not ever do that again when you KNOW I'm watching

**soul-lesslion**- and never ever EVER call me Eddie.

**blondsarebetter** - EDWARD! -gasp- your such a pervert!!!

**eternalamb** **- **...wha??

**blondsarebetter - **what is WRONG with you?! that was a private moment between

**soul-lesslion **- ...... -rolls eyes- I'm outta hear.

**soul-lesslion has left the chat-room**

**eternalamb -** what did you do?

**hailthehale - **I can only guess.......

**blondsarebetter - **I flashed Emmett

**eternalamb - **AHAHAHA, well that'd get him to stop thinking about...... -giggles-

**blondsarebetter - **he just passed my room..... and its STILL THERE!

**hailthehale - **you guys are just cruel....

**eternalamb - **oh Jazz your laughing too I can hear you up here... OH Edward just walked in...

**hailthehale - **EDWARD!!! look at your back in the mirror!!!!

**blondsarebetter - **Jasper.. you are no fun at all.

**eternalamb - **damnit... he noticed.. ahahahahaha

**eternalamb - **... Edward Cullen doesnt need to pop his collar, his shirt just gets an erection when it touches him?.... You guys... are so weird.... --Edward.

**blondsarebetter -** AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**hailthehale - **....O.O HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**eternalamb - **... Ima be punished!! BYE GUYS!

**hailthehale - **... haha.. uhm.... I need to be far far FAR away from this area till... uhg.. bye Rose

**blondsarebetter - **Oh well. I'm going to go find Emmett.... -evil grin-

**eternalamb has left the chat-room  
****  
****blondsarebetter has left the chat-room**

**hailthehale has left the chat-room**

* * *

**A/N - -gigglesnort- hope you guys enjoyed this.. i just found something someone made on photobucket that made me want to incorporate it into a conversation these guys had. RNR its like a form of crack for meeeee. PLUS the more you guys review the more I'll be likely to pump out more craziness... and I'm thinking cookies for my next chapter.. hmmmmm -ponders-**


	11. The Sims and Friends?

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (as much as i would love to own Emmett and Edward). **

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - eternalamb**  
**Edward - soul-lesslion**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - nessinessness  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown  
BOO - ??**

**eternalamb has entered the chat-room**

**soul-lesslion has entered the chat-room**

**soul-lesslion - **Bella love, could you enlighten me on something?

**eternalamb - **Sure! At least I can try too!

**soul-lesslion - **what exactly is the sims?

**eternalamb -** ..............

**eternalamb - **why?

**soul-lesslion - **Well, Emmetts been thinking about it all day, and its almost as if he's hypnotized by it.

**eternalamb - **Emmett has the sims?! Why was I not informed of this!!

**eternalamb -** EDWARD!

**futureshoppingqueen has entered the chat-room**

**futureshoppingqueen -** Edwaard! You may want to answer her... Your future doesnt look pretty if you doont!!

**soul-lesslion - **I am sorry love, Emmett just made them... Woohoo?

**eternalamb - **that does not answer my question.

**futurshoppingqueen -** -snickers- woohoo

**soul-lesslion -** you were not informed dear Bella because I was not aware of what the sims was nor that you even adored it so much.

**eternalamb - **DAMMIT EDWARD! Yes I do "adore" the sims! which one is he playing?

**soul-lesslion - **did you just... swear at me love?

**futureshoppingqueen -** I tooold youuuu!

**soul-lesslion -** Well. Now I'm not too sure if I would like to tell you if thats the way you are going to act.

**eternalamb - **Edward. I swear to the almighty GOD that if you do not tell me which Sims game he is playing you will never get Woohoo as long as you don't live!

**eternalamb - **and I am dead serious mister!!!!! -angry face-

**soul-lesslion -** ........ The Sims 2.

**futureshoppingqueen -** WHOOPAH!

**eternalamb - **..........

**soul-lesslion - **...........

**soul-lesslion - **don't you mean..er...

**eternalamb - **Whoocha...

**soul-lesslion -** like a whip?

**futureshoppingqueen -** yes. that is what I said!!! WHOOPAH!

**futureshoppingqueen -** -giggles-

**eternalamb -** OOOOOOHHHHH! hahahahaha

**soul-lesslion -** What? I still don't get it. Does a whip not make a sound like whoocha? Not whoopah?

**futureshoppingqueen -** SLOOOW!

**eternalamb -** .... F

**futureshoppingqueen -** R

**eternalamb -** I

**grizzlyvamp has entered the chat-room**

**grizzlyvamp -** HEY! whats up home skillets?!

**futureshoppingqueen -** E

**futureshoppingqueen -** DAMMIT EMMETT!

**eternalamb - **awwww you messed it up!

**grizzlyvamp - **what?

**soul-lesslion - **Frie? What is frie?

**grizzlyvamp - **???

**futureshoppingqueen - **whoopah.

**eternalamb -** whoocha.

**grizzlyvamp -** BAHAHAHAHAHA oooohhhhh.....

**futureshoppingqueen - **and again.. F

**eternalamb -** R

**grizzlyvamp -** I

**futureshoppingqueen -** E

**grizzlyvamp -** N

**eternalamb -** D -EMMETT! you took my letter -pouts-

**futureshoppingqueen - **S -way to goo Emmett!!!

**grizzlyvamp -** sooowwy!!

**futureshoppingqueen -** NOW! what does that speell??!

**eternalamb - **yes Edward darling what does that spell?

**soul-lesslion -** FRIENDS.... wait isnt that the show with the middle age apartment owners?

**grizzlyvamp - **YES! and they meet quirky people and some of them are man whores!

**eternalamb -** soorrta like Emmett.. *cough* I mean nothing

**futureshoppingqueen -** hahahahahbahahahahahahahahaha

**soul-lesslion -** this has gone waayyy off topic.

**eternalamb -** RIGHT! Emmett!!!

**grizzlyvamp - **can't talk right now. too many babies!

**futureshoppingqueen -** Emmett don't even think about trying to sell them.

**grizzlyvamp - **awww! why not!

**soul-lesslion -** too late he's already thought of that

**eternalamb -** cause you can't sell babies on the sims Em! there is no such thing as the black market on there!

**eternalamb -** LET ME PLAY!

**grizzlyvamp -** nuh uh!!! its myyy game! Rose bought it for me cause I was sooo good all last month!

**eternalamb **- meanie.

**soul-lesslion** - Bella, I'll buy you a copy.

**futureshoppingqueen **- I WANNA COME!

**eternalamb **- really?!

**futureshoppingqueen** - I WANNA COOOME! and ohh.. Edward you do not know what you just said.

**eternalamb** - can I get all the expansion packs tooo?!

**soul-lesslion** - whatever your little heart desires love.

**eternalamb - **YES LETS GO!

**futureshoppingqueen -** HEY!

**eternalamb -** yes Alice you can come to!

**soul-lesslion **- Emmett your such a pig. and yes lets go, i'm quite interested about this game now.

**grizzlyvamp -** Hey now! sims need lovin too!

**eternalamb - **.... ahahahahahaha dirrty!

**eternalamb has left the chat-room**

**futureshoppingqueen has left the chat-room**

**soul-lesslion has left the chat-room**

**grizzlyvamp -** well fine. don't say bye..

**grizzlyvamp has left the chat-room**

* * *

**A/N - WELL I seriously thought the chapter was longer than this buuuut I was totally wrong! ANYWAYS! I hope you guys enjoyed the new installment. and I am STILL thinking cookies for an upcoming chapter.. hmmm mwahhaa. RnR PLEASE!**


	12. Is It An Update?

**ehehehehehehe**

**so I decided to be a little mean and let you guys think that this is an update. when its not.**

**BUT**

**I will say that I am writing the newest edition RIGHT THIS SECOND!**

**O.O **

**SO that whole going from typing normal to going all caps reminded me of a little smily thing where the pink one is staring at a blue guy who's talking and then the pink dude hits the CAPS button and the little blue dude starts yelling.. *gigglesnort* ROFLMAO. **

**ohh this is what long weekends of work do to me. **

**ANYWAYS!**

***ahem***

**The newest update is basically about the wolves, this one is for TifaValentine99 cause she's pretty wicked-ley awesomtastic and she requested I do more chapters on the slow but lovable wolf, Seth, along with BOO.**

** p.s. Seth is my fave and I hope they cast him as adorable as the one in my mind is.**

***p.p.s I need more Twitter followers so ADD ME UP! Twitter = lyfesparody add me yoyoyo.***

**-p.p.p.s - I hope y'all know that I really don't know who BOO is... I just made BOO up for Halloween, but BOO seems to have some followers... who should I make BOO be? PM me and give me your suggestions!!!!-**


	13. Princess Nessie and Twitter!

**Disclaimer - I do not own Twilight or any of the characters (as much as i would love to own Emmett and Edward). PLUS I do NOT own Twitter **

Cullen and Co. IM names

**Alice - futureshoppingqueen  
Bella - eternalamb**  
**Edward - soul-lesslion**  
**Emmett - grizzlyvamp**  
**Rosalie - blondsarebetter**  
**Jasper - hailthehale**  
**Esme - butterflykisses**  
**Carlisle - drdogood  
Renneseme - nessinessness/chewtoy  
Jacob - leaderofthepack  
Seth - SnarlsBARKley  
Leah - beatyoudown  
BOO - ??**

* * *

**leaderofthepack has entered the chat-room**

**SnarlsBARKley has entered the chat-room**

**leaderofthepack - **Seth I swear to GOD if you don't stop it I will start to think of nasty images.

**SnarlsBARKley - **awww but c'mon Jaaaaaake!!!!

**leaderofthepack - **NO

**SnarlsBARKley -** PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!!

**leaderofthepack - **I'll start thinking of real nasty shit Seth so knock it off!

**SnarlsBARKley -** ... like what?

**SnarlsBARKley -** its just Twitter Jake! C'mon pleaaase!

**leaderofthepack - **SETH! IMA START THINKIN OF YOUR SISTER IN WRONG WAYS!

**SnarlsBARKley - **...........................

**SnarlsBARKley - **you wouldnt. O.O

**SnarlsBARKley - **would you?

**leaderofthepack - **If it will shut you up then yes I would.

**SnarlsBARKley - **.....but don't you wanna keep Bella up to date?

**leaderofthepack - **I don't need to keep Bells up to date. It's not like were dating.

**soul-lesslion has entered the chat-room**

**soul-lesslion - **..........damn rights your not dating Bella. Dog.

**nessinessness has entered the chat-room**

**nessinessness is now chewtoy**

**chewtoy - **hey!!

**soul-lesslion - **Reneeseme Carlie Cullen!

**chewtoy - **thats my name don't wear it out daddy!

**soul-lesslion - **why in Gods name is your new nickname chewtoy?

**SnarlsBARKley - **bet I can guess!!!

**leaderofthepack - **.................... Damn Mosquito.

**soul-lesslion - **Seth, shut up. Jake don't forget how easy it would be for me to kill you

**chewtoy - **JAKE! why would you call my dad a.... Mosquito? o.O

**leaderofthepack - **He called me a dog!!!!

**chewtoy - ***gasp* Daddy!! Thats not very nice. *shakes finger*

**soul-lesslion - **Reneeseme! Your name! Explain. Now.

**SnarlsBARKley -** its an inside joke Eddie! Don' worry 'bout it! *italian accent*

**leaderofthepack - **Yeahh Eddie. Its not big deal. Eddie.

**chewtoy - ***giggles* Yeah, its nothing gross dad! promise I'm still a.....

**leaderofthepack - **no your not.

**soul-lesslion - **WHAT?!

**SnarlsBARKley - **..I don't get it.. what are you still Nessie? A what?

**BOO - **Why do I bother? Maybe bloodsuckers ARE better than Dogs.

**chewtoy - **....srsly.

**leaderofthepack - **uhm. who the hell are you?

**chewtoy - **Why I'm sort of the vampi-girl with whome you imprinted with while I was like... 2 hours old Jake!

**leaderofthepack - **NOT YOU! I meant BOO

**BOO -** I'm whoever you want me to be big boy.

**soul-lesslion -** ENOUGH! don't you EVER speak to my daughter that way again!

**soul-lesslion -** and we have yet to discover who BOO is. Were having people look into it.

**SnarlsBARKley -** err.. people?

**leaderofthepack - **and what "people" are you having "look into it" exactly?

**soul-lesslion -** ......that wasnt me who wrote that.

**chewtoy - **then who wrote it daddy?

**BOO - **Bella.

**soul-lesslion - **.... yes it was Bella and how did you know that?

**soul-lesslion - **YOU ARE CREEPY! - love Bella

**BOO - **......... I am not able to divulge that secret as of yet. SETH! go fetch.

**SnarlsBARKley - **HEY MY SHOES!

**SnarlsBARKley has left the chat-room**

**BOO -** ^^ Yesssssssssssss

**soul-lesslion - **Any chance you can get rid of another?

**BOO - **..... Jake.... BAD DOG!

**leaderofthepack - **Ima hunt you down whoever you are!

**leaderofthepack has left the chat-room**

**chewtoy - **...srsly who are you?

**chewtoy -** HEY! oh that is SO NOT FAIR!

**chewtoy has left the chat-room**

**BOO -** btw Eddie-boy. Nessie is still a PRINCESS. Contrary to what Jacob says.. though she ISNT what you thought she meant.

**soul-lesslion - **DO NOT CALL ME EDDIE!

**soul-lesslion - **ohhh.. Jacob is DEAD! That mutt BETTER run! LETS GO EDWARD! - Bella

**soul-lesslion has left the chat-room**

**BOO - **ahhhh... it feels good to cause trouble. *sigh* lets go find Emmett.. :]

**BOO has left the chat-room**

* * *

**A/N - ahhh another update yssss..... SO c'mon people! who do YOU think BOO should be? P.M me your ideas!!! PLUS I'm taking ideas for the next couple of chapters as well! LET ME KNOW YO!**


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